Alone
There are different views on being alone. Some find it lonely to be single. Others are lonely in relationships. Lonely in friends with benefits. No matter where it is, at some point, it is lonely. Even with friends. You feel a void. Emptiness. Nothing. That moment you feel something for someone, there are different ways it can go wrong. Being with another but falling for another. You can't have both. Otherwise, it will erupt into a personal hell. Best to be alone. Especially if your closest friend is involved and your significant other's friend is the one you're falling for. You wanna know the worst part of it all? We are so much alike that I can't help but like him more. I'm more twisted than you could possibly imagine. My mind and feelings have their own way of working. I have no control over it. Nobody does. Can't help who you fall for. It's what happens in life. Not to everyone but the one's it does happen to, it's a nightmare. It hurts others more than it hurts yourself. You lose people that way. To yearn for one that is so much like yourself but can never have, it's better to walk away than ever risk anything. Don't take my word for it. Some things are worth the risk. Not this. I can not and will not risk it for the sake of what I have left. The day I am able to get away from it all, is the day I might laugh and smile without regret. We are lonely creatures searching for the one that will fill that void. Why do we search for this? What is there to gain from it? Love? We don't always find it. The path I'm at isn't easy to handle. I feel for another, falling for another and with someone that is neither. I've ceased communication with the one I am falling for. I'm not wanted by the one I feel for because my long hair no longer exists. The one I'm with is unaware of this. My closest friend is aware. The one I feel for is aware but doesn't know what I feel for him because he feels for another. My best friend knows I feel for the man she's falling for. She's aware I've stopped talking to him to prevent anything from happening. The one I'm with does not know anything. How could he? He's fallen for me. There is nothing to like or even feel for. My mind is twisted. Warped. My heart. Broken and knows nothing of feeling due to the constant bleeding it has endured. Where is there left for me to go? I can run to Papa Bear and cry on him. Wouldn't solve anything. I'd get the cute little sweet comments and trolls. "That's my future baby mama." "Dat ass, though." "Hey, pretty lady." "This girl, dumped me on Valentine's day." "Girl, where them LSU shorts?" "Hey, girl, let me show you a good time." And many other comments he has to say. Always got something to say and looking out for me. So many inside jokes between me and Papa Bear, but I will never cross that line because I don't want to lose him as a friend or things to get awkward like that. My life is full of twist and turns. Can't be helped. Nobody knows what it's like but will I ever be okay? I don't know but I do know, books are good to past time. Heal. Point out the good in life. Not always but books are the gateway to knowing what love could be like. It's different when you read it compared to when you feel it. Don't go by the book. Go by what you feel.
